the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
