I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
