is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
