it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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