Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize