This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
