I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
