I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
