why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
