Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
