The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
