my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
