i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
