I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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