She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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