Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
