forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
