if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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