I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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