the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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