Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
