how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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