Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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