I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
