I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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