I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
