im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize