My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
