My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
