I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
