the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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