last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
