Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Couch. On fire.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
