NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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