I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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