there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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