Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is wine microwaveable?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
