Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
