He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
