haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
