its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize