Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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