I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
