i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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