I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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