Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
