Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
