Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
