i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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