By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize
