He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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