dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
