I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
