made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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