There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
