I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
