is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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