She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
