Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
