So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
