Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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