If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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