i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
