dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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