I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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