I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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