I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
