Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
