Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How does it feel to date your dad?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
