bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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