I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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