One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
